So after talking with a friend from here last night, I realized I've been trying to ignore an issue for a while, but it keeps coming up in my life. If anyone could read this out and maybe just help me with whatever suggestion you have, I'd greatly appreciate it. Even if it seems dumb or easy, please. I really need a clear direction of what to do. When I was younger, I used to have terrifying nightmares. Like I remember dreams from when I was a toddler and I'm freaking 22 now. A lot of them are so scary and morbid, I don't want to post those ones here in detail. But I would have dreams of my mom driving me down the road, and then suddenly she would vanish and the car would crash or go off the road, dogs and wolves howling outside the car or the house and try to break in and I would be trapped, Bloody Mary coming after me and my family, family getting killed, getting chased, faces popping up in the window at night, being attack by unknown entities, getting into fights, me getting killed, having to jump off of cliffs or roofs to try to escape nightmares, etc. When I was in third grade, I started to stay up as long as I could at night by reading exciting stories, drawing, or writing my own stories. I was hardly exposed to violent video games, TV shows, or movies, but I did have a lot of domestic violence happenings around me. When a family member left because one of those incidences summoned the police, the nightmares intensified and then they started to dissipate after a while. I went to a child counselor, but my mom said that she said I was fine. I was normal, happy as could be, but I was constantly afraid and enjoyed being alone. More things happened in my life that were scary and unusual, but I dealt with them. I learned to just turn on a fan at night, not listen to music because my brain started to warp the sounds to create a scary vibe or image, keep a small light on at night, etc. And then all the sudden it seemed to stop when I was around thirteen to fourteen. Maybe it was because then I started to realize the "demons" in real life were scarier than the ones I dreamed about, or because I would stay up late and just get about 5-6 hours of deep sleep, or maybe it was because I was getting very depressed because of family, peers, school, and just things of the past that weren't taken care of before. Fast forward to when I was around 19, my depression spiraled out of control. It got up to a point where I had to be under close supervisions by doctors, counselors, and therapists. I didn't have nightmares until they started to give me medications. Some of them intensified my nightmares while others seemed to make them disappear all together. I found a good mix that worked for me, and been on them for about a year and a half now. Jump to today, I have really nothing to worry about. Yeah my family is still crazy and dysfunctional, but I'm away from them and that environment. I'm going back to school, have a job I love, getting good grades, got invited to an honor society program at my school, getting asked to sing more often in public, starting to be more at peace with myself and who I am, talking to a therapist who knows my family and me by phone weekly (which is a big deal, because she doesn't charge me and people pay big, big money to see her), going back to church, and so forth and so on... But the nightmares are coming back. They're not what they used to be though. They're now adult themed and creepy, but it seems normal. They happen so often that I don't get scared anymore and sometimes I don't remember them. It's just the feelings I get from them that leave me so tired and groggy in the mornings, like I only get three hours of sleep. I take two medications at night, one of them for depression and the other for PTSD to help me sleep, and after I take them I go to sleep in like an hour to two hours max (or I just get so sleepy I can't physically stay awake) which is like 9pm to 10pm at night. But then I have the hardest time waking up, and sometimes I don't start moving around till like 8am to 9am in the mornings. I do a lot of sitting at my job, so I try to walk around the block or do some stretches and light exercises at my home, but my body is so exhausted. I just feel tired and sore through out the whole day. I don't know if it's because of my medications, my diet or lack of it, lack of rigorous exercise, or what. I'm trying to walk myself through my dreams (lucid dreaming), but sometimes I don't know I'm dreaming until something bizarre happens and then its too late to control it. It just feels like I'm wide awake and that the dream is just a normal day, but it's not. And I'm in my bed sleeping. I used to get night terrors where I couldn't wake up, and I panicked and woke up in cold sweat and pain. There was a dog that used to sleep with me and would lick my face to wake me up, but now she sleeps with her owners because the night terrors stopped happening much after that. Here's what I try to do to go to sleep: Read scriptures Say deep prayers Take my medications Turn off all electronics one hour before bed Drink milk with my medications Do some light stretches Try to elevate my head until my neck and back hurts Write in my journal Clear my mind Listen to relaxing music Turn on my fan for white noise Tell myself I'm going to sleep and what happens will be just cause I'm dreaming I just... I dunno. Any suggestions or insights would be greatly appreciated. I'm just so tired of feeling like I got little to no sleep, and I'm tired of getting these realistic nightmares.
I had recuring dreams when I was a kid, some of them were nightmares. There were a few variations, but they all involved me dying a painful death in the end. Eventually I dreamed them often enough that they rang a bell, I became aware I was having a dream and forced my way out. After 2-3 successful exits the nightmares stopped altogether. So maybe you' d like to look into lucid dreaming. I hear keeping a journal about your dreams also helps. And here' s something else I noticed about myself : if I smoke a few blunts before I go to sleep I have a harder time waking up in the morning, and I can never tell what I dreamed about. At all.
Keeping a dream journal is a good idea... I just need to keep reminding myself to write something or get up early enough to have time to write in it. My dreams are not really reoccurring, and the themes change out almost every night. And sometimes I have dreams where I think I'm awake, but I'm not. And those are the terrifying ones. Sometimes I don't remember at all what I dreamed about because it's so jumbled and random, but I wake up feeling anxiety, anger, sadness, etc. And I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs outside what my doctor prescribed, so... :/ Those can awaken the very bad side effects in the meds I'm taking now
I have also suffered night terrors in the past. Two instances I can recall: I was lying in bed, half-awake, and a small, furry creature, much like Gurgi from Disney's "The Black Cauldron" was wondering, just out of sight and around my bed. I don't know how I could know what he looked like, and barely get a glimpse of him at the same time. He seemed, from what he was talking about (In Gurgi's voice), very interested in eating me. He seemed to be very excited and couldn't believe his luck. The other time, I was also half-awake, and the door was slightly ajar. A thin, white phantom was dancing ballet in the hallway, and while it was mesmirizing and beautiful, there was something about her face that was forboding. The second instance happened just after my Grandfather passed away; a stressful time. Both times, I could hear both the physical and the dream world, which were both times the rooms I was sleeping in. I couldn't move. Both times, I was sleeping on my back. If you suffer from repeated night terrors, or if they come up, I suggest lying on your side as you go to sleep. Forgive the lazy explanation, but it's just the way your circulation and your brain (the organ, not the mind) works. Night terrors are frequently attributed with sleeping on your back. While it is actually healthy to do so, it can be detrimental if you are affected by night terrors. When it came to nightmares, I lucked out. In every nightmare, there is something good or funny that happens. There's a zombie outbreak, and I'm with different groups of people I've known, and we handle the situation pretty well. There's a serial killer, but the place is colorful, like the inside of Monstro in Kingdom Hearts. The best I can suggest is laugh at what troubles you. Even if it goes against the very fiber of your being to laugh at such things. Have a lollipop
That' s why you should look into lucid dreaming. One of the best way to trigger them is to make yourself do frequent reality checks. For instance put your hands together, then wish one of your hands to go through the other while you push. If you were having a dream it would have a good chance to actually happen, because dreams don' t follow real world logic. And since our reality informs our dreams if you take the habit to do reality checks in real life you' ll end up doing them in your dreams too.
