Abusive Father

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by Sara, Aug 18, 2015.

  1. Sara Tea Drinker

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    I know I mentioned him often... And how I utterly despise religions due to his actions, here's why:

    My dad suffers from schizophrenia. Undiagnosed and untreated, he joined a cult early in life, he became a huge follower and even during the time he wasn't going he spent all his time talking about God and the bible.

    My mom got him out of the cult and they married a short time later. He then immediately got her pregnant and sold her brand new car for a beat up car that barely worked. She had my brother on her knee when he was making the deal.

    For several years he was a fanatic of religion and church. He also screamed at and abused my mom for several years and threatened to take away me and my bro if she ever left which back then would've given him visitation rights. He also stole her second brand new car and sold it while she was on vacation without her knowing.

    When she finally got him out of church, he put us in thousands of dollars in credit card debt and went to the church without us knowing. There he put in 15K worth of our life savings to the Church. He put us through bankruptcy and then later in debt due to my skin cancer. We finally kicked him out when he set fire to the house one night because he put a hot air gun next to rubber pipes and left it.

    My mom has been struggling for years, so have I. And now she's been going to my grandmother's taking care of her for five years. We finally got a break a few weeks ago when my aunt got us a brand new car to help relieve some of the stress and help my mom go up there.

    I don't have a car of my own and sometimes my cat has had random medical issues pop up. This year it scared the **** out of me when he couldn't use his hind legs. I was blind with panic with the vet saying that he should come in right away with no neighbors around and my mom gone for the weekend two hours away to get there. Thankfully it turned out to be nothing and I didn't have to go, but I don't ever want to feel that again. I also can't call him for help, either.

    She said I could have her old car even though it barely works in case of an emergency. Then my dad found out about the new car and raised hell. He's even calling around asking how much he could get for it and having them call the house. He even took the VIN off the car and the mileage.

    I'm scared and upset... I honestly don't know what to do, we can't afford a divorce... And I need this car... Especially during the long periods in winter when I'm alone and have no way to drive home.

    Does anyone know what I can do to stop him...? And to keep him from taking this car also? My mom threatened legal action if he took the new one which made him pause, but the old one it seems we're stuck.
     
  2. Magick ~Meaner then my demons~

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    I'm going to start this off by saying that I'm not a licensed therapist or psychologist.

    Schizophrenia is one of the harder mental illnesses to cope with. It can be extremely dangerous, and I want to stress that if you or any of your family ever feel any danger, call the police and ask for a CPI officer to accompany them. They are very well trained in handling individuals who are having a mental break, and it's been my experience that they can usually resolve situations peacefully. Even if they don't have a CPI officer in your area, just tell the police your father has schizophrenia.

    I would advise a restraining order. They cost very little, relative to a divorce, and if your father violates the terms, a court psychologist could officially diagnose him and get him the help he needs. It would also give you a measure of extra protection, should he violate the order. The police will recognize the history and be able to act effectively from there.

    You could also keep all copies of the car keys on your person. It wouldn't completely prevent him, but it would make it more difficult. It also depends on who's name is on the title. If it's your mother's, and he takes it, she could report him for theft of property. It would be better if it was in yours or your brother's name. It's pretty easy to switch the title to the car, and that's another option, though it pretty much hinges on you calling the police if he takes it and sells it.

    Since he is an adult, and seems to be able to take care of himself to some standard, I don't believe there is any way to force him to see a psychologist without getting the police involved. Again, if you believe at any time he is a danger to himself or to people around him, call the police and tell them what's going on. Many states and countries support the right for someone to have a court psychologist see and diagnose them, and it could be the only way to get him the help he needs. If he truly doesn't want to help himself, and keep up with his medication, he might have to be committed to a residential center. I'm not sure if your current location will charge the costs to the family, but because of Obama care in the United States, most residential and social programs involving mental illness are now paid for by the government. You could check to see what the local laws are in your area, which is also an easy google search.

    I hope some of this gives you an idea, and I wish you good luck.
     
  3. Patman Bof

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    You might also want to bring the stink to the Church. If his schizophrenia is documented there might be a legal way to bar him from making donations. I don' t know if that' s feasible, nor which authority should be contacted, but I guess it wouldn' t hurt to contact the ACLU and see if they can give you pointers.
     
  4. Sara Tea Drinker

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    I dated someone with schizophrenia, one who was diagnosed as a teenager. One of the reasons I can see the flags easily myself easily. Thank you for the warning, and even now we're honestly scared of him and what he can do. He actually acts like the nicest kindest guy to a lot of people. Our neighbors and friends actually resent us for turning our backs on him. Others believe that we can cure him.

    I will probably put this on a restraining order. The car ownership is complicated with my aunt, but I can probably convince my mom, she will still have registration under her name.

    As for the Church: My mom tried years ago to get the money back. It was a Evangelical/Born Again Christian Church when she told them about my cancer and his mental problems.

    They laughed in her face, told her tough **** and **** off. And kept the money.

    One younger priest tried to help her and even told her what my fathers abuse is. (Financial/psychological btw...) And they sacked him a few days later.

    My dad just loves the control, the abuse, the terror... I swear he gets off it.

    You know how he found out? It was under my mom's NAME and the insurance card was MAILED TO HIS PO BOX!!! The insurance guy who LIKES my father MAILED IT DELIBERATELY TO HIM!!!
     
  5. Laurence_Fox Chaser

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    Keep logs of everything he does. And keep those logs somewhere safe. Write down everything you can remember he did and try to date it if possible. It is obvious that he is a danger to himself and those around him if he tried to burn the house down. He is mentally abusive toward your mother by threatening to take away her children and leaving her and the both of you with crap cars.(What happens if there's a medical emergency and the car breaks down on the way to the hospital? I believe this is called Endangerment, possibly Reckless. But I'm not a lawyer or an expert in legal areas.)

    He has a different grasp on reality due to his illness but it is not an excuse for his behavior.

    I would second the restraining order. It is a way to keep a relative measure of distance between all parties. And the logs will come in handy here. If there is sufficient evidence then the more likelihood of success is. A restraining order will keep you safe. If he violates it, then he can be arrested and further action can be taken.

    If he has stolen something that was in his wife's/your mother's name, than that is theft. It is a criminal offense.