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It seems like lately things have been real out of place. At a time I heard my parents were leaving but right now the both decided to stay. They both keep their distance but still fight alot and stay on their game. Lately I've had a nagging thought of running away to get away from the drama. But then after I think of that I think about killing myself. I've been able to tuck those thoughts away til a couple of weeks ago.

My ex and his girlfriend for some reason keep threatining me. I don't reply and I try hard not to let it get to me. My ex bascly doesnt mean much to me anymore. I still care about him and I always will but I dont let him hurt me anymore. But when I get threats from his girlfriend it brings me kind of down. She threatnds to beat me alot. Wich I take as an empty threat cause to be honest I know she is a wimp. But after the threat she keeps going on, on what a terrble person I am and how much better she is than me and how my Ex cheated on me with her because of how perfect she is and how beautiful she is... After a while that just gets to me. I push it away but then it creeps back later and now I wonder if she is right. I'm not the best person out there...Not good looking not to bright... To be honest somtimes I feel like I am trash...

Lately I have also been scared about getting feelings for a new guy. Its been almost a year sence I got cheated on and left him. I met this guy and we talk here and there. Real sweet guy. Funny sweet. I have an intrest in him but not a huge intrest. I get scared though about having feelings for somone else. I for some reason feel like im betraying my ex who i loved by getting feelings for a new guy. And then I get scared with "Oh god if I do end up with him later will he hurt me aswell? will he cheat on me will he betray me?" all that crap. Dateing really isnt in my book at all. I mean I have alot of other things to worry about than love and guys and all that crap.

But what also gets in the way is how my parents treat me. When I first got with my ex my parents hated him. They say i didnt love hime i never did. That I dont know what love is. and they get mad that it wasnt a guy of their choosing. Now I know up to a point they are trying to look after me. But isnt it my choice who I date? I mean I will listen to their opinon but when it comes to they choose I get angry. My parents never aproved of my ex so I got alot of rude remarks and the "your a whore" crap....

My brother got a new girlfriend he's happy and all and my parents adore her and yada yada. she go on saying how he got the perfect person and made the right choice unlike his sister...Im so tired of being told to be like him and tired of being told im wrong when i dont even get to state my opinon.

I love parents. They do, do stuff right but not all the time... They ignore me all the time but the always make time to put me down and say im wrong...

Bascly im asking help on how I should see myself. Im nothing special I know that. I just want to know how to be a better person and make everyone happy instead of being ignored and looked down on.