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  1. Jayn
  2. Jayn
    Omg cute. 8DDD lucky. ; ;
    Profile Post by Jayn for Spaze, Nov 29, 2009
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    ^_^ What are you doing?
    Profile Post by Jayn for Xephos, Nov 29, 2009
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    I can't think of anything that'd make me seriously angry.
    Yes, and I look forward to that.
    Yes, I will. :3
    Cute puppies! x3
    How did you know?
    Please do. <3

    You wanna come over tonight?
    Post by: Jayn, Nov 29, 2009 in forum: The Spam Zone
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  9. Jayn
    "I see. Then I suppose we should get on it, if we're running out of time...Though, Mr. Hatter, you've never really been willing to spare that now have you?" Alice grinned before hopping off from the pedestal she had created and skipping towards the entrance to the forest, holding her hands behind her back. "Shall we?" She curtsied playfully and peered past the trees and into the darkness.

    "Maybe we should have weapons of some sort. I'm sure the Queen won't sit around doing nothing now that we're here."


    ♥♥♥​

    Eve tilted her chin upward, gazing with wide eyes into Rek's with a deep frown before she looked up at the others. They were planning something? Why? Why couldn't they all just stay there? She pressed her forehead to her raised knees and sighed out shakily. She didn't like these people. And she didn't like this world. And she didn't like this Queen they spoke of. Or how the sky was red. Or how her mom was gone. Or how her father was dead. Or how school never made sense to her. And how this was just as bad.

    "I want to go home." She murmured, though she didn't even know what home was anymore.
    Post by: Jayn, Nov 29, 2009 in forum: Retirement Home
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  19. Jayn
    Very good. I'm loving this so far. :3 The only thing you could work on in some parts are just the flow of things such as:

    I think it might have sounded a bit better with "didn't", since this is in first person you can get away with sounding a little informal. =P

    Also this sentence might have sounded a little better if you cut a "just" and rearranged some things. Such as,

    He spoke so plainly that it seemed like he had the whole thing planned out. What really got to me was his monotone...it wasn't the kind that made you want to sleep, but it just felt like there was nothing behind his words, it's hard to explain.

    What I really liked though was when Rhia came in. I think you introduced her very well, and the flow of things there was perfect. Either way, you write very well and I like your writing style, there's a more personal feel to it like you're writing in a way that the audience can understand, and you're personally explaining in a way that that can be achieved.

    Good job, Foofy. Keep it up. 8DDD
    Post by: Jayn, Nov 29, 2009 in forum: Archives
  20. Jayn