First of all, thank you to everyone who's posted in this thread thus far. I've read every post and all the advice was helpful. @Misty: You seem to understand exactly where I'm coming from. I really appreciate it. <3 @Plums: I'm a pretty artsy person, but I've never really branched out and done things outside of what I'm immediately good at. I think graphic design would help me get all of this OCD focused on something productive, so maybe I'll look into that. Thank you. :3 Also, on religion, I wish I could think of it that way. It's just discouraging to hear that even going about it in that way will eventually damn me to hell. See, my dad is an EXTREMELY (scarily, cult-leader-like) religious person, so that's where all of this insecurity about it probably comes from. But I'll try to get over it. ; ; You also helped a lot, so thank you! I'll probably take you up on that PM/MSN offer. c: @Killjoy: I know that not all Christians are the same, and when I hear someone is a Christian I don't automatically scowl at them or anything. It's just the people I'm surrounded by, I suppose. So it really helps that you're open to conversation about it. I'll probably utilize that offer, so don't be surprised if I message you. I agree with your other points and will keep them in mind, thank you. @Tummer: I guess the biggest thing I'm going to have to get over is the "if you don't do it this way, you burn." It's the fear I have, otherwise I think I would be fine believing in what I believe in. Truthfully, I do believe in the afterlife and some form of God, but I don't believe so much in everything that's in the bible, or a lot of things inbetween. I think it's unhealthy to isolate myself too. It's just...natural? It feels strange being like, "Let's have a few hours away from each other so I can talk to other people, even though I'd rather be talking to you." xD Not that I've gone and ditched anyone. People still talk to me, but I give most of my attention to him. I understand where you're coming from, thank you for addressing this. College has always been a bleh topic for me. I'm not even sure what I want to do or go into, and I don't want to waste money trying to figure it out. But I also don't want to take time off to think about it, and then never go back. >< Thank you tons, Tummer. You're very intuitive, and very sweet. I appreciate this a lot. @Trixer: I know not all Christians are like that, as I clarified in this post sooner I think it's just the people I'm around. We don't have very...open-minded organizations around here so it's hard to connect with people who are really trying to help and not just trying to convert. I don't believe I am an..."outcast", yet. But I've never really fit into anything at school. I've kind of given up on that, but I see what you're saying. I think it's better for me to appear friendly then unapproachable. You helped a lot. <3 Thank you. @Roxas: I agree. I even call it "OCD" at times. I don't feel like getting any meds or anything on it so it's something I'm going to just have to try to overcome. As with the friend...Thank you. xD I'll only report him if it gets TOO creepy though. :3 Thanks for you help. @P: I'd rather the depression be cured by an epiphany. I've never really...liked the people I've been around. I stopped calling myself a Christian when I realized that I have far too many questions and am far to insecure about what I truly believe to be considered one, truly. I realized that the majority of people I'm surrounded by will call themselves Christians or Catholics, and then know nothing about what they truly believe. I don't understand how you can be a Christian, and then not understand anything. I can't pretend to believe in something I don't even understand, so that's when I stopped. I'm sorry for the lack of information regarding my "friend", but the reason behind that was they are an active member here and would probably check this thread out of curiosity and I don't want them to know I'm referring to them until I feel confident enough approaching them myself. I was only curious to know if I should even both approaching them or if I should just back off. It's not as though our conversations are hostile or anything, and it's also not as though they're not available often enough for conversation. They just don't start conversation, ever. I think it would be fine if I simply vanished but because I don't know if it's intentional, I would feel as though that might be cruel or something? I've been a bit weary about contacting them about the subject because enough has gone wrong between us and I don't want to start any drama or be a bother if they're finally happy. I understand why you would see things that way between the other friend and I. I should have maybe included more information. He and I used to be extremely close, right? Then one day, he just stopped contacting me. Completely. Three months later, he comes back and says he felt too ashamed to contact me because I have things going for my life and he "doesn't". That didn't make sense to me, why he would just leave like that but I essentially said everything was okay and assured him that he shouldn't feel that way. <Insert long inspirational speech here.> Then things were fine for maybe two months, before he vanishes again. This "trend" happened off and on for about a year and each time I forgave him. He would always leave when something went wrong in my life. The last time he left was when my grandmother was hospitalized. Eventually I decided I really didn't need that. He would stick around when I'd help him with school work, help him with his resume, I helped him get a job. I helped him graduate high school. But if I needed him, even for a second, he would just disappear. I was pretty much his mother for eight years and only this year did I start to slip away from him. I did let him know why, and I've told him several times over these years what was going on and asked him for explanations and never received them. Well, I did take the time to get on here to make this thread. However, I'm not on nearly as much as I could be regarding free-time. I do set aside time to finish my work, and I study for hours each day. I've gotten a lot of complaints about not talking much to people, I've gotten rid of my cell phone plan (used to be a huuuuge texter c:) and I only really check my subscribed threads on here and reply if I have to, and every once and a while go through to reply to threads I find interesting and reply to the Vms that have stacked up. I'm taking two SAT courses and three college classes and am working my ass off. The lowest grade I have is a B. The problem is that I have a history of moving. I've moved every year from 5th grade to half of sophmore year. I'm a Senior. I was in massive depression for the first two years of high school, which made my grades the least of my priorities. Two years of good grades don't average out the way I would hope they would, when I finally started taking school seriously and got out of that slump. But I understand your point. Regarding my dad, I don't know. Otherwise I wouldn't have said anything. I don't know how I should feel. I'm confused. I know you guys can't tell me how to feel, but I was hoping for some insight from those outside of the picture who could maybe shed light on how he may be feeling. Now that I see that the majority of you think that he was trying to protect me, I can better relate to his side of it and I don't think I'm feeling so bitter about it anymore. He and I don't have a good relationship, so it's hard sometimes to see the good in his actions after all of the wrongs. Thank you again for your help and posts, everyone.
♥ I'm obsessed with symbols, and colors and graphics, and I can't stop. Trying to stop, I start like freaking out, SO. BAD. It's worst than it should be. I don't exactly know what to do about it. I don't try to be obsessive about things, but I can't help it. ♥ I hate everybody and everything. Ironic that there's a heart there, but I really do. By default, I hate people. My outlook on the world is so bleak. Here's a very short description of how I see things to be, "You're born, you suffer, you go to school, you work, you die." If I went into full detail...It's honestly extremely depressing how I see life. I think it's pointless, I wish I hadn't been born, and I hate everything. B| ♥ I used to be a Christian, then I went to Agnostic, then I went full-blown Atheist. I don't know what's going on here. But it's like, most of the Christians I know are horrible people. It's like. "Oh, hey, I'm Christian/Catholic, but I'm an judgmental *******." or "I'm Christian/Catholic and I don't give a damn about anyone but myself." Not everyone is like that, of course. There's also the fact that when I ask questions, they're never answered straight. It's all just "faith" based answers, or just "You're a sinner for being curious about things." I think the church is corrupted and I can't trust anyone. ♥ I've spoken to someone about this before, but bluntly, there's this friend who I'm trying to be friends with who never makes like...any effort to maintain contact. Simply put, if I didn't talk to this friend, then we wouldn't talk. It's annoying. Like, should I tryyyy? Are they worth it? ♥ I isolate myself when I'm in a relationship. Not on purpose, but I stop talking to people as often and I give my attention mainly to this person. In return, it makes me feel lonely, almost. I mean, this person is great. Above great, wonderful actually, but it's like...I have no time to talk to other people, because naturally I'd rather talk to him. Doesn't seem healthy to me, even though it's not like he hurts me or anything. Just, is this normal? ♥ I have another friend...He and I used to be very close, and now we don't talk. And to be honest, I think he's gross. :| It's like, suddenly, I have this very strong dislike towards him. I'm polite and everything when it comes interaction, but he's still trying to be friends. It's...annoying, to say the least. He made a new Facebook account under a different name and everything just so that I'd add him and he could stalk my page again. Wtf. Edit: Actually, it's not just for no reason. It's because he...became very bitter, and very negative, and started to constantly hurt me. Being around him started to drain me so bad, but I'd always forgive him. He was very, very, very controlling. I got to the point of not forgiving him anymore, then he got very clingy when he say I was slipping away. ♥ COLLEGE IS STRESSING ME OUT SO BAD. SO BAD. I'M FREAKING OUT AND MISSING DEADLINES. And I haven't taken the SAT. I feel behind, and my GPA is lower than it should be, and I'm not sure what to do. ♥ My stepmom and dad divorced. She was the one to tell me, my dad's been hiding it from me. Should I be mad at him? Okay, that's it. Anything will help. ANYTHING. I just wanted some extra thoughts on some of these things. I feel overwhelmed and breakdowns are constant.
Sure. Lol! You could have asked me. D: But...you found a good picture of him too. o: Also, I'm an actress myself. O:
Thank you for the revive. xD Yeah, I think he was based off of him. No one's ever seen Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt? D:
@FKB: I was wondering that too, actually. Also, is anyone stuck?
Honestly? Kissing is a big deal for me. So of course making out would be. I mean...If someone doesn't think it is, then I'm not going to go around judging them or calling them a **** or anything, but it's a personal choice and in my opinion giving someone affection in such a way should be special. It's a way to express love or passion to someone, so I wouldn't go around making out with random people I had none of those feelings for.
Aww. That would be bothersome. ; ; Mine is..Well, first, on the forms/msn and stuff...It will bother me to no end if my posts/font aren't colored,...
I hate writing essays, though I do like creative writing. Do you have any prompts?
Yeah. I didn't get online at all yesterday, I don't think. >->
I think it's a little bit of both...which makes it perfect. ;D
Ah~. Beast and Shue. = :|
Oh, that's just fine by me. We can be troublesome together.
Me too. ~ Do you remember when we used to be in a family together? That was fun. :c
Hello~ We have, actually. How are you? My name was different. Maria Ushiromiya, I believe. Or Len Kagamine. <3 How are your dolls?
You're avatar made my day.
AAAH. Are you completely caught up with the episodes? 8D BEAST THE CHARACTER? OR BEAST THE WORD THAT ALSO MEANS "COOL" TO OUR GENERATION?
Ahh. I see. I wish you the best of luck, but I hope that there are some resources available for you to get help? Try searching the Internet? That...
I forgot. <3
Mhm. Yay! :3 No problem! Glad I could help~
And you seem like one of those amazingly sweet guys. 8D So yay. I'm going to add you on MSN, btw. <3
