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Understood, and I do understand where people in this thread are coming from. In my experiences, the times I've been ridiculously ... erm ... Sad, lonely or denied of love, being single isn't the exact source of the problem. It's a variety of other things that come together to form that sadness, or depression. Feeling ignored or unloved, etc, in addition to being lonely because you're single is different (to me) than the only source of sadness being the fact that you're single.

I honestly understand feeling lonely, and wanting to be loved. There's nothing wrong with that and I'm not arguing against it.

For clarification, I have a cousin. She's fifteen-years-old. She's also constantly threatening suicide, the reason = because she can't go live with her (15-year-old) boyfriend. She has a large, loving family. But she feels like this boy is the entire world. There's no abuse in her household, no neglect. She's taken care of. I've reached out to her, my grandparents have, my mom, her mom, she has loving friends, but she feels like if she's not dating this boy, nothing in life is worth it. She's also actively attempting to get pregnant by this boy so she can be with him forever, linked together via child. I sat down with her privately and she vented to me about how she was feeling, and the conclusion is that she wants a boyfriend. That all of her friends have one, and those on TV have one, and in movies, and she needs a boyfriend, so she's going to kill herself if my aunt doesn't let her have sex with said boy, and have a baby with him, and move in with him.

The only thing she stands by is that she needs a boyfriend, and some of her friends (and some of those she's surrounded by in school) apparently feel the same way. I don't know, I just don't think that's entirely normal or healthy.

Regarding this bit;

I respect that, but I also don't think it's exactly fair to make a point like that without actually knowing what I've experienced in my life. Same from me to you. ​

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Thank you all so much for your advice. I really appreciate it.

I obviously got through the phone call alright. He did ask me about the boy staying with me, and about school. I did end up lying about both of those things, including why I hadn't called. As mentioned before, it's just hard for me to be honest with him when I know he'll freak out on me. He asked me to call him once a week now and keep in contact. ​

Apologies. I know that suicide threads aren't allowed, etc. This isn't what this was. I just really needed to express myself, and that's how I felt/feel sometimes. I truly understand why that rule is in place, and I'm not challenging it, but I also think that it's better for me to vent it out when the feeling reaches that intensity than to pent it up. It helps, and this thread doesn't revolve around suicide, so I hope that that emotion will be respected.

@Myst;

Thank you. I just hate crying in front of him. My dad is a very ... intimidating personal, I guess. He's really firm and strong and confident in everything he does and says, and I'm just ... emotional. So sometimes when I cry I feel really pathetic, around him. It's hard to accept how big a softie I am in comparison.

@Misty;

Thank you for understanding. That's exactly how I feel. Part of me wants to just cut him off, but another part of me just wants his approval. When I don't talk to him, I don't feel as ... depressed, I guess. I mean, part of me is always sad about it, somewhat. Wishing things were different, but it's not as intensely stressful.

I used to talk to him through Facebook more often than phone call, but he doesn't seem to have one anymore, which is weird. He must have deactivated it. I prefer talking to him that way. Easier for me to express myself, and I don't cry, haha.

@cloud<3;

Thank you for your advice. Aside from you guys, and a couple of other places on the internet, I don't really have any friends to talk to? ...That sounds so sad, but the last time I made friends IRL was...um. In my Sophmore year of high school. I've been graduated from HS for about a year now, so I haven't made friends in about three years and the friends I made in high school aren't very close to me anymore, since I live on the other side of town and we don't see each other very much at all. So there's really no one to talk to except ... KHV. But I understand what you're saying. Thank you. <3

@Who am I?;

This helps a lot, thank you. I think you're right. I mean, well...I know he loves me/cares about me. His methods aren't very...nice, but I do believe that if he really didn't give a crap, he wouldn't bother, I guess? I understand. Thank you for this. It helps to know that I'm not the only one. It is difficult to just shrug off the comments, and it's something I'd like to get better at. I feel like if I were stronger, or had a thicker skin, I could just live my life confidently and maintain some kind of relationship with him. I'm just tired of him, of all people, hurting me. There are things that he can say that will completely break me apart, but if it were anyone else, I'd be completely fine. I guess those are just dad powers, haha.

Anyway, I really appreciate this. I might end up shooting you a PM. v:

@NemesisPrime;

Oh man, thank you for your support. It means a lot to me. Really intense, haha. And I know you're right...I need to gather up courage, it's just so difficult for me. I wish it wasn't.

@Peace and War;

Thank you...I mean, it always feels like there's so much to say to him. Like what you said. Mm. Last Summer, I left for a while to go visit him. It was my first time really living with him in years. This is when I helped him with his movie. It felt really good to work with him. We had 14+ hour shifts, so we barely got any one-on-one time. When we didn't have to work, he was too tired to do anything else but lay in bed and watch TV. It didn't bother me too bad.
What got to me was...Well, we were driving to the location one day. He was talking about his new girlfriend, and asking me what I thought about her, and I was honest. I said I missed Devyna (my ...ex step mom?). I missed consistency. I missed when everything was put together. I missed being a 'family' with her and my brothers. I really did. He said; "That's funny, because before you left, you hated her." (This is when the accident happened). I then let him know that she had contacted be recently on FB and that I felt that she was stressed out around that time because of what had happened with my brothers getting in the accident. My step brother's dad pressed charges and tried to gain full custody, etc etc. My step mom had gotten all cold and bitter towards everything. She wouldn't talk to me regularly, she was ... um. She pretty much treated me like I didn't exist anymore. This is part of the guilt that led to me leaving.
There was this point where she spanked one of my brothers, the one who got hit in the head by the car, and my dad dragged her into the hallway and yelled at her "Are you CRAZY?" because he had just gotten out of the hospital. And they started screaming at each other and he apparently hit her. My step brother also stopped talking to me about things. I asked him what was wrong, and he said "Why should I tell you?" And I was just. It was crazy in that house, I couldn't stand it.

Anyway, I told him I felt there was a lot going on around then and that I didn't like anybody. It was too much.

He then proceeded to yell at me. He said that my step mom was evil, and that he hated that we had had contact. He told me she was a liar, and then said that he never hit her, and that she lied to my step brother and that now he won't talk to him. He then said, "She blames you for the accident, I bet you didn't know that, huh?" He then explained that in court, during the divorcing-stages, she had written to the court that it was my fault my brothers got hurt. She had said that I had disobeyed her, and gotten into the car instead of taking my brothers across the street. That was a lie, as I explained, I had taken one brother across the street and put him in his chair. Then I went across to get the other brother, and he wanted to walk with my step-brother and refused to go with me. I went back across and watched them bother cross the street. My step brother was putting his instrument in the car, when my youngest brother turned around to go back across the street because he saw my step mom and wanted to get to her. My step brother noticed my little brother ran out into the street and went after him, I was still out of the car. I ran after them both but it was too late. Anyway.

My dad also said that the main reason he and her argued was because of me. That he defended me a lot when she scolded me or went off about me, and that it eventually led to their divorce.

My problem is...why? Why would he do that? Why would my dad tell me that? Why would he want me to hurt the way I did after that? And question everything and distrust everyone. I didn't want to know all of that...I don't even know if it was entirely true, but the doubt he put in my heart, I still hate it. It's still unresolved. I still have to deal with what he told me, and I still wonder if she really hated me. I loved her. And I carry even more guilt with me, especially if I caused their divorce.

I still want to tell him. I mean, I still want to ask him why he would tell me all of that. I was hyperventilating after. I mean, I already hate everything, after he told me that I just. I'm still. Ugh. That's just one of the things I want to confront him about. He apologized for making me cry, but that's not even the issue. Why wouldn't he protect me from something like that? That pain? It's like he wanted me to hate her, because he's insecure about everything. I hate that he would tell me that, but it's been almost a year since he did and I still can't confront him about it. I just break down.

@Kitty;

Thank you. I know what you're saying about being honest. It shouldn't be so difficult for me, but it is. I've been honest with him in the past and I just. He's so critical. And I know I should stop wanting his approval and wasting my emotions on it, but if it were so easy to just stop feeling it, I would have severed that years ago. It's a difficult thing for me. I can't easily ... stop caring. I wish I knew how to, but it's difficult for me.


@Pabu;

Thank you! And yeah, I've been told that too ... That I have a lot of time to figure things out, but my family doesn't seem to think that way. I dropped out because I hated it, and I don't see the purpose of ... doing something I hate when I have an option to figure something out that may work better. I wasn't ready for it, so I didn't try very hard, and instead of ruining my future chances (I've already ruined my financial aid, though), I want to think about things and research things and figure it out. My mom and my dad both are putting a lot of pressure on me, and telling me time waits for no one and I have to be aggressive about what I want and I have to figure it out, and do something, and yeah. I just. Overwhelming.

@Patman;

Thank you for this. I'm not offended or hurt, I appreciate it. I'll be watching these videos.


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Whaaaaaaaaat?! I'm a big fan of her. My heart is happy at this post, but she's so much better. (Not an asspat invitation, guys. /fufufu) She's really talented, I love her. <': Ya'll should listen to some of her other things. This won me over. That vibrato! *u*​

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Mmkay, well sorry if you were offended by my statement, but I don't think there's anything wrong with voicing my opinion on the matter just as those who feel differently are able to express themselves. I didn't tell anyone that they were wrong to feel the way that they do, nor did I say anything about either side of it being better. I'm also not forcing anyone to feel a certain way, and I'm pretty sure my post in this thread is the only time I've ever voiced my thoughts on the subject to anyone.

I've already elaborated here; ​

Everyone wants to be loved, and experience it. But in my opinion, there are still more important things in life, especially when you're younger and have so much to experience and so much to do. The type of 'whining' I'm referring to is on a more intense scale than the just the natural desire that most people have and that I'm assuming you're talking about, and I personally don't think the loneliness of being single is worth killing yourself over. My opinion.



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Nights still hasn't answered/voted. :c

Happy birthday. <3 [IMG]

The link in the very first post should take you here. Is this the homepage? :c ​

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-diamplified (currently Ty Lee) is providing the Album Art! <: Here's a link to her DA.

And wow, GB! xD I'll, um. Sort through some of those and put some on the poll in a bit. If nobody votes, we'll figure it out. c; ​

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Hey Drew, is it okay if I use the render GB offered? It's full body which will look a lot better in this video, haha. It'll be really awkward if I...

My mouse.

... |: ​

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[video=youtube;RC_8iJwxZHY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RC_8iJwxZHY[/video]​

At first I thought they put shrimp on it, lolol. But you should! My last batch of crepes turned out ... Fall-apart-y. I tried out a new recipe and...

I thought of you so hard. [IMG]

Should work now. Hating this new posting interface. ​

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Mm. I posted a link in the opening post to the information. ​

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Final mixing is done. I am working on the video now and will update and lock the thread when it is rendering.

Rendering.​

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All of my emotions, aaaaaah. ;____;

Spoiler

After the first three episodes or so I was already bawling (I JUST finished the last episode and am kind of sniffling still, so forgive me if this is just a whirl of emotions). Highly emotional series for me, I don't know what's wrong. I am so glad I decided to watch this though. After the OVA I was a little skeptical, but everything tied itself together rather nicely.

Dead Master's design was the only one what was a bit bleh for me. I didn't like the glasses, nor did I like the weird veil thing, but whatever. It wasn't enough to detract from anything.

The battles were amazing and engaging. I had a bit of trouble following a couple of them, but it was no big deal.

Everything was GORGEOUSSS. It was such a beautiful anime. Beautiful animation, and the CGI wasn't obnoxious.

It was just so perfect and emotional. I'm just so happy. I love that everything tied itself together, and that I actually understand what's going on now with the whole concept--which is genius a-and ;-;

Maybe I'll have something more constructive to say when I'm not crying.

I can't WAIT for the OST. Oh my god. *Sobs*

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