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Ok, I would really like some tips on how to make my writing better so PLEASE!! any critisism at all, post!
Here it goes:

Between life and death

Gone
Faded
My family
My friends
Even the blood
Surrounding me…

Where am I?
What am I?
I can see
right through me
As if
I was
Nothing…

I’m alone
In the dark
Nothing but my voice
No echo
Just cold
And dead…

I can see light
Yes!
Freedom!
Still alone
But there’s echo…

Am I reviving?
Am I…alive?
No
Just the cruel
Simple sounds

They're toying With my brain
I can’t take it!
I see others!
I’m alive!
In…
Heaven??? …​

Try to figure it out:

My Country

Where I come from
There’s a legendary building
Millions of islands
7 on the left
Countless on the right

Where I come from
There is a huge mainland
Spectacular capital city
Always in the day
Always in the night

Where I come from
They fought after 400 years
Their army always the smallest
Never procrastinate
Always fight

Where I come from
They’re strong about their beliefs
After easter
Chant when they had to
Stop when they might

I’m going to stop there
Because I know you’re sick of me
As for my country
Post if you think you know what my country might be
I’ll PM you if you’re right​

Ok. tell me this is better than my other three stories but critisism is allowed

The Unwanted
~1~
“You want some more water, Angie?” Carmen asked me.
“Nah. I’m right thanks” I replied what a nice way to say it as a girl?
Carmen is 7 years older than me. At the moment she is my guardian until I find out what happened to my parents. We had lived together in a hollow, underground spot full of dust and scrap metal. Not the ideal life I wanted to have, but I did live.

There was some kind of war, I can’t remember why but all of Sydney was in trouble. While Carmen was driving us to safety, an explosion from behind flipped her car into a hole. We slowly crept out of the car, blood all over us, and here we are now.

After the war was over, we climbed out of the hole and Sydney was surprisingly fixed! Like we had been sleeping for weeks and had only dreamt the war. We walked on the footpath, still confused and scared, there was no one here. Sydney had been rebuilt and then abandoned for some reason. So there you go. Carmen is now my adult guardian.

After a while, we walked to a hotel which again was five star and abandoned. So we started to live there and have some fun! We had the whole city to ourselves! What’s wrong with that?!

So anyway, it’s been 6 months since then and people have started to come back and take jobs and Sydney was normal again!

“I’m going for another audition today” Carmen told me. She was very big on performing. I didn’t like auditions much. They were scary!

“you have to come along with me.” Of course! She has to drag me along so she can dance for her life and get cut!

So at the audition, she had to learn some choreography and dance a solo. Her solo was the best of all the solos there but she stuffed up in the choreography so she got cut. Typical Carmen. I waited for outside the hall. She was balling her eyes out so I took her to dinner to eat away her misery. Hey, it helps me.

“Thanks Angie. I would have never been the same without this dinner. Whats this place called again?”

Oh yeah. Another thing with Carmen, she tends to forget a lot when she’s upset.

“Mc Donalds” I replied. See? Who forgets that a fifteen year old can’t take a 22 year old anywhere but McDonalds for dinner?

As we were walking out, she was limping so I supported her shoulder with my hand. When She said she could walk, I moved my hand away. Then we heard this shot out of no where and Carmen fell to the floor. I used her phone to call an ambulance but I didn’t know which suburb we were in. I helped her but a local in a hooded jumper came with a gun, pulled it to Carmen’s head and said “Take this you f**n b**ch!”
BANG! I sat there. Scared to death. Carmen is dead. And all I could do was watch.

ok. I know my other stories SUCK! but I hope this is better...hope

SHATTER



There they were. The huge truck and my sister’s innocent little car. The fire that burned endlessly seemed to have competitions-which one could burn the longest. The one from the truck and the car, or the one burning inside me. Me, being a mature 18 year old that is old enough to understand everything in life, never actually experienced a family member’s death. I didn’t bother calling an ambulance. I knew she was gonna die anyway. Or did I?

Think about it. My sister’s fate depending on a single phone call. I wouldn’t have had to buy a black dress until many years later.

I wouldn’t have had to light a candle for her at church and shed a tear every time I thought about her.

I wouldn’t have had to sit there, staring into an empty room. Though there was a bed, her desk, her clothes everywhere, her uni work separated into countless sheets on the floor. Sure this felt like Amelia’s room, but It’s nothing without her.

Sure. Amelia would’ve been in intensive care for a while, but at least she would still be alive!

So, I was watching it happen. The truck rammed into the boot of the car and the driver door was a bit open. I watched her slide out of the car-tears of blood. And I watched her breathe

Slowly…
Deeply...
Heaving…
Weezing…

After a while I heard a loud thud. It was her head. My sister had gone to heaven and I had stayed on Earth until my day…

And now, as I stand behind the podium and talk to various family members balling their eyes out, I watch. I listen. And if I listen really hard, and believe with my whole heart that she’s there somehow, somewhere, I can hear her. Whether it’s screaming at rock concerts or sobbing at friend problems, I was there for my big sister. And I hope she thinks of me too

[Any tips you have that could help me I would appreciate it!