I know you requested that there be no long posts about grammar so I'll keep it short and general. Okay, thing that jumps out most is this incomplete sentence right here. "Letting a blanket unfold ; and placing a variety of snacks on it." You need a subject that's doing the action. You really need some kind of spelling and grammar check beforehand because there are a bunch of other minor things. As far as the story it's a bit rushed. The reunion seems to only last for a few minutes and you should try to work a bit more on getting a feel of Maria and Alphonse. They seem a little bit empty and place holder like at times. Also, try to connect chapter to chapter, you make little hops in time or point of view every time you start a new one, I think you need to find a way to give each start a kind of connection to everything else. Make it clear by the first line or so who exactly is speaking and what has just happened or something that won't get people lost. One last thing, were I you I'd try to give a bit more length to these because you should a have more vivid and powerful descriptions and more delineating structure overall or something like that.
The dad's a troll, and the mam works in IT.
We make sexy time, yes?
Shush you.
Waka? Kawuwaku? Uakuwawa? Uawukakuwaw? Akaw? Kuwa? Kuwakuau? Waka uwaka waka kuawu waka? Kuwakuau wuka kawa wa? Kawa?
Auw wakuwa wawaku wau kuwawau.
Wawkakuaw.
For you, and only you.
Damnedest thing is I was just thinking of raping you...Sorry that didn't come out right.
Burst Railgun>Phantom Sword. Moving on. The manga is basically just better than the anime in my opinion. It's hard to get the feel right and I don't think they quite got it in the anime. I think I'm being a bit biased because I generally like the way a manga turns out better, but that still doesn't make the anime anything special.
Touché. *Signs*
Hey hey hey, I'm expecting a fair cut of the profits and I want it in writing. I'm glad you're so sensible. You haven't met some fangirls then.
Wanna make out on the hood of a car?
Both. So you and me are in the same category huh? No, he got it right or else all my friends would be a good deal different.
Tastes good, doesn't it?
How does it feel? How does it feel now, punk?
Pinko. .
Could you die anyways? Tha~~nks.
