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I just want to edit it for typos right now really.
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It was the 60GB version the 40GB version and the MGS 80GB version. I remember when my friend got his 60GB stolen. He came through his apartment door and saw footprints on the floor. Walks further in and sees that everything is gone. Walks in further and sees a hole in his ****ing ceiling.
Who are you talking to?
I thought there would be someone we knew on this list.
Ellipses is the plural of ellipsis which is the ... thing. By retain meaning, I mean that you could remove the ... things and still keep the same effect and feel of the text. This is just my opinion, but I think ellipses are kinda gimmick-y looking. Like you're trying to make it look like you've added substance without adding really substance. Well, I didn't really like the original tag line because it seemed like stating the obvious. I'm not good with being witty or creative or catchy so I'm not exactly the best person to trust on such things.
I usually like to have more to go on than this but I've got a start of a basic idea to look at. 1) The title is fitting enough for the proposed plot line but I'm not wild about the tagline, it's just not to my taste. 2) The intro is okay, it gives an idea of what will be happening as far as formatting goes but I think it could have used fewer ellipses and retained meaning. 3) I'm interested enough in what you've got to want to read more if for no other reason than to see what you do with it. I hope this was helpful or something.
Never heard a Bushman accent have you?
Don't really have much to say. I'd add a few words when Alaric is leaving the van to express more clearly that he's leaving the van and going down the street not just turning away from it. It's easy to get that given what you have now but I think it would be nice is all. It's readable as ever but I did think that you'd abandoned it.
@Cin, Hills bro. Hills.
Yeah, pretty much everything I write is full of run-on sentences and missing commas. I'm not exactly great at noticing where these things are since it's gotten to the level of habit but I'll go back and try to take another look and work on it to the best of my ability.
'Sup Tumor.
I make a point of it.
I don't care how much plot armor I'd have, I'd never be near that thing.
Okay, I was about to do it anyways since it was making me avoid my own posts.
Would teamkill the **** outta the pink one.
