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If a train leaves Boston going straight up growing at 24,000 microhectares^2/day and moves in a straight line towards the center of the universe as a rate of 2 inches/jiffy and a similar train leaving Mars has a rotational acceleration of 74 rad^2/week and a parabolic trajectory terminating 50 feet to the left the center of the universe, give or take, and takes 555 microseconds to get there with linear acceleration of 8.5x10^24 picometers/decade and a ball is tossed into a frictionless vacuum with a constant magnetic field pointing in the opposite direction of the center of the universe and a doubly strong electric field, then what is the drag coefficient of an unladen swallow as it tossses the above ball and does said swallow get hit by a train?

And doesn't contain lethal amounts of cadmium.

I was just pointing out that much of American and Japanese animation are outsourced to South Korea and I like cartoons.

I'm a bit of a hick so I'll say South.

We only do so because that success is not duly awarded. Besides I doubt it's one of the most successful given that it's popularity has so waned in the less than ten years it's been around.

The more you watch Japanese television the more you'll notice these are their equivalent to nods of admiration at the original.

Kinda like this guy.

Except you know more epic.

I love TCM.

Sick feeling of affection and revulsion welling up in my soul. Gonna go vomit now.

If it is, I applaud him on being able to generate multiple different voices at once.

Let me preface all of this by saying that I tend to sound really nasty when I'm criticizing things. It just comes more naturally, so don't take it as a personal attack as much as it may seem to be one at times. I'm saying this because I'd be a bit miffed by what I wrote if it were said to me.

Before I can even read this I'd like to point out that you've got sentences in dialogue (which are like any other sentence, in practice, even though you seem not to treat them that way) starting with lowercase letters. It looks terrible because it it grammatically wrong. So change that before you do anything else. It'll make it nice and clean looking at the least.

Now read it I have to say the lead in was too abrupt, setting the scene can be fast but you need to give things context. Just throwing everything onto the page at the beginning in a series of straightforward, matter of fact statements won't do. You also wrote, "her glared at him." That also will not do.

The first chapter thing is short, choppy and you spelled private, privet (which is a shrub.) Then your grammar. It looks like it took a personal day when this was written and hung out with your spelling. The choppiness lessens greatly over the course of the few paragraphs you have but when it's choppy, it's kinda hard to read. So I'd work on making things smoother so that one idea, sentence or paragraph doesn't just follow another because it does, but because its predecessor flows and segues into it. Work on spelling as well because you made several typos on minor words that you should have caught. Grammar is your Achilles' heel here though. Sometimes you've got a dependent clause as its own sentence, sometimes you don't capitalize August. It's like with spelling, you've got to go over this before you post it, it's hard to read when your meaning is muddied by grammatical mistakes that I'm sure you could have caught on your own. Then there's the length. It's so short. You could say a lot about these few events to build character, foreshadow, add nuance or any number of things but I will not complain about you keeping it simple. I will complain, however, that it's harder to critique something when there are fewer words there to critique.

Next is the plotline thus far. I dislike the subject matter. The word vampire in conjunction with fantasy story makes me cringe. But as things I dislike go this could be far, far worse. Problem is I have very little to go on.

I've mentioned already the things that were not quite up to par with this, now I'll mention what I did like. The voice of the narrator got better over the course of the chapter and conveyed this William character as much as this much writing should. But his voice doesn't seem to carry over too much into his dialogue and as the narrator as well the two should match up a little more.

Overall, I'd like you to keep working on this or at least to keep writing, but first things first. Fine tune what you have because it's the beginning that serves as a hook for readers. If you start off strong you can probably keep a reader for a god few chapters afterwards.

I hope I wasn't harsh or anything else unpleasant with this. If you have any complaints or concerns with me, then just say so and I'll try to make it better somehow.

Inspiration... That's a tough one oddly enough. I am not the type to get inspired by others really. Accomplishments, maybe, but people, never. I do have someone I want to be like though, that is myself except better in every conceivable way. I feel like looking outside of myself for anything isn't going to get me anywhere because I am different from everyone around me and they are different from me accordingly. These differences mean that we'll have to have different ways of going about things and thinking. Adapting to a situation the best way I can and using other people as tools rather than blueprints is the most efficient way to go about anything it seems. So I let everyone influence me in their own way even if it's as small as a single opinion formed, I just go with it as best I can. Not really about inspiration and aspiration at all so much as pragmatism and chosen method.

I'm a serial rapist, what's it to you?

How is that tiny, vague piece of information even remotely worthy of being called a spoiler?

The Spamzone Contra affair has begun.

As long as there is a riot after the game, I don't care who wins.

Based on the arguably superior Jack Pumpkinhead.

Everything has to start somewhere.