Likes art.
Europe needs to share its reaction shots folder.
The water.
Row row, write the chapter.
Congraturations, your story is happy end.
Read your book, magnificent bastard.
Sounds suggestive.
Apparently, can't stop smiling.
You mean you wish you were a cat because grammatically... but I'm not here to ruffle any feathers.
Name sounds Spanish.
Tetris master in big way.
Has 128 posts.
Keeps calm, carries on.
I remember reading this a while ago and being confused. It feels like the speaker is supposed to be God or a very dedicated stalker and that's pretty much what forms my impression. You've got a decent base here technically. Some awkward phrasing here and there but a generally solid base. However, it's creepy, like really creepy and I'm getting the feeling at times that you're going for emotional, maybe even sentimental and that's not what carried. So I feel like you need to think about your story and plot more, how people will read it and what it actually means.
I thought this thread was a safe place to talk about lifestyle choices, like what I do alone at 4 in the morning. Why so much arguing and hate?
I am leaving you a visitor message as well. Mine has more text, I win.
Alright, you're really well off here from what I see. I have one grammatical mistake on a cursory read through, should be fewer men not less men that are being pulled back. On to the story, not much here really given you're working on a word limit. I feel like you need to temper the atmosphere more. This seems to have everything just kinda floating about on the surface as the events progress. So that's a practice thing, the more you get used to evoking emotion and considering diction the better you'll naturally get. Next is probably the ending. Brilliant ending, would have worked better if everything was leading up to it cohesively with repeated words and themes carrying throughout every paragraph somehow. Though, that approach might turn out more gimmicky than meaningful if not carefully considered and executed. Overall, it's a good piece but it would have done well to have a couple hundred more words and a little more depth. I'd be glad to see more from you in hte future.
Correct .
You mean like what we do every night on the kitchen table?
Alright, cool.
