Well....I'm gonna so enjoy the last year at school. WOOT And, yah...summer sucks. I have to spend it here in a wheelchair. Aren't you gonna be...
That is basically what I mean, but not exactly. Now that isn't even required because now we know(from last chapter) We don't really need those explanations on the next chapter. We need her personality to shine through in the narrative. Is she smart? Is she shy? Those things should reflect in the way you're writting, since it is from HER perspective of things. No info dump. When I say info dump I mean this: And so on. Perhaps she nottices how he sometimes embraces her a little too hard, or hugs her a bit too tight, making allusions to how he might have been a little too brutish. The reader isn't stupid, they will figure out that something is wrong just by you making brief mentions here & there. That's basically it.
This is a good thing you have here. It's not the best thing written, but the story it sounds very good. One thing I did not like was presentation. This is too short, and if you can make paragraph with sentences that relate to each other, the better. At times I could barely differenciatte between the sisters due to having only such a short description on who was who, we have to relate to the names, since you use them so prominently from the start. You can do a lot with third person omniscient, make sure you use that to your advantage. Because I believe you can do much better. I see great potential, mainly because this story premise seems very orginal. Also remember that in conversations the reader doesn't have an idea of who it is the one talking. In the second conversation this happens badly, as you don't give any indication in any part of the dialogue, which would have been nice. I also don't think that the sleepwear part was neccesary to place inside, as if an added thought. That could be easily placed in the narrative. Also, you called Naruka...Naraku, two times in the narrative, you might want to fix that. Overall I think you have something good going on here, and would advise you to continue it.
This is true. But seriously... Spoiler The End of Evangelion was such a mess... I thought Asuka finally saw the light....it turns out she just got even more messed up xD. Asuka wasn't comatose at the end, she just had her arm bandaged. I found it crazy that shinji saw Rei at the end, though. Either way. The remake(Atleast the first part) Seems pretty organized & They are introducing more Eva's, and the action seems much better. In which case...The first battle isn't shown in flashback...it's shown completely in the moment.
That lady gaga pic is horrible, put a bag in her face, and maybe then it might be allright. Besides, lady gaga is so last millenia! Everyone knows she's just a who- Spoiler I love lady gaga too...Even though I'm bashing her for fun.
Well, yes. These last three are simpler than most of your work, just like "Paso doble". So, yeah...I guess you can still write simpler things. I don't really think your poems to be beautiful, though. I think they are something else, but beautiful is not the word i'd use to describe them.
Hey, you should try to acomodate this better...They are great...as I've said before, but they just seem cluttered. And I really love your epic.
Nope....guy-on-guy action? Yes.
Oh noeeeesss...CTR is watching the thread. Nuuuuu....I think she might close it...or edit it. Well, I guess rules are rules. Hopefully you don't get banned or the story gets locked, but with so much...you know xD, it just might.
Wow...I really like this. I'm not all too big on sig effects & such, but I think that perhaps changing the purple color to another one might be better. And, you've returned to sig-making? Is your Graphic block gone? xDDD
Oh, this is too much xDDD I found myself laughing with everything in this....I hope you can actually continue this.
Signature Size: Like the ones you have in demostration. Stock/Render:Mewt Theme: Try to make it similar to my Avatar(very Aetherial & sublime.) Text/Font: Well...it can go textless. Effects: I just ask that you blend the picture with the work, not just leave it sticking out...Either way I think you can manage this. I'm guessing use the same blue color that my Avatar has, and try to make it look fantasy-like. And please use that border that some sig maker's leave, like an outline. I could show you some examples. Other: I think you can do this pretty well; you're good. Just try to do your best, please. And please no full-body...Thanks I must sound demanding to you, sorry. Btw...the game is very old and all I could find were JPG's , I'm sorry, but I don't know where else to look.
You can never comprehend how utterly dissapointed this post makes me feel. Why does a kid think he can act as if he knows the world? Heck I understand where you're coming from, but the fact that you express it so crudely and dissmisive, that really bothers me. Though I'll concede the point, because that's how you are...always tough. Either way, Brothers...hug and be happy that you have a sibling, yes siblings fight, but this is just a silly squabble....Please apologize to each other, and try to be in each other's shoes a bit more, k? That way we don't have to constantly see multiple threads, each telling a twisted truth. Now, would you kindly?
Well...I had a very vivid one too...just not with something like that...Instead it was with a PS3 and a plasma TV my parents gave me for my own room...That was really a crush...I almost cried.
That is so true. Either way, Daxma just because Haseo & Sasuke have similarities doesn't mean you should report the guy. By the way. I really like the collage-type thing you did to show sasuke's persona.
Thank you. I'll try to keep that in mind. Thanks for everything Misty!
Btw...Is DeviantArt any good? I've been meaning to join, but...do you have any opinions on it?
It's so strange you're not doing sigs considering your works are amazing...I can't express completely how much of an artist you are. So...Do you...
Well, this might be somewhat rude to ask(even more so, when I'm already using one of your Avi's) But...do you have any signature I could use...
Lol...the animals are just so cute. But, how did you get so close? Shouldn't they be behind a something for protection? I really loved the lions & the deer-like thingies xD.
