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The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
We always hear ' the rules'
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Hey "home flies",

I recently purchased a Nintendo DS (I believe that is slang for Double Screens?), as I am trying to be "cool" and update like all the youngsters in my area.

I am looking for some games that are very fun and exciting; "gangsta" and "funky fresh" as you kids often like to call it. I am hoping for a game with "street cred" and a game that will "bring it to the bank". I am interested in anything, especially games that can be played over the internet and can help me use "mad gats" to assault a variety of virtual enemies.

I currently own these video gaming cards:

- Pokemon Diamond (the "happening" children in my neighbor hood said that I must be "hustlin' rocks"... therefore I "hustled" Diamond for thirty five dollars at Costco)

- Metroid Prime Hunters (This has the internet features that I quite enjoy, and seems to be popular with the "cool crowd".)

- New Super Mario Bros (This reminds me of a game that I used to play, and the new idea gives it a "groovy and hip" feel to it)

- Mario Kart DS (I enjoy racing, and this seems to be how the kids do it)

- Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrows (This seemed to fit in with the emotional music that many children were listening to, and was just as fun as listening to an album by popular music group My Chemical Loving)

- Animal Crossing: Wild World (The "wild" aspect of this game is pefect for portraying my longing to engage in a wild party with other people that share equal values in being current and up to date with today's youth)

This should be adequate information for everyone to help suggest me a video gaming card for me to purchase when I get back from the office tomorrow.

Thank you very much,
Peter J. Morgan