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Interesting. You missed a space after a period somewhere and this is incredibly short so it lacks a little something that you only get from a slightly lengthier description of everything but it works out well enough so I won't complain. I'm gonna assume you won't end up doing anything with this either after the tragic and almost immediate deaths of the other two or three things you've posted here. I think that's all.

Iwasaki Taku did Libera Me From Hell.

I like it well enough, the precise diction isn't exactly my favorite thing in the world here but other than the slight thing about gasping being a verb not an adjective I don't see any mistakes. Everything is very deliberate and well put together. Nice job.

We are in a car.

Who'd have sonic?

Exterminate!

You don't look different but you have changed.

Just realized your sexy name's visage was upon the top of the spamzone/playground.

Do you wanna dance?

Can you decide whether I should live or die?

Is she following you?

Does that crazy ******* want to hit you?

Will anyone call you by your stage name?

Piano or harpsichord?

Clavichord or autoharp?

Did Tommy go through the wall?

Why did I dream of you?

Am I and I a camera?

Did they wash the bag?

What kind of octopus?

Eh, it's a matter of preference at this point. I hate that grammatical and stylistic grey area that changes from era to era and style to style but we all live with it. I agree with your layout preference myself but I've read many published works where that kind of thing isn't included. There is a particular genre that the name of escapes me but either way I'm leaving the bounds of my knowlege at this point.

@Obsessed:

Ourn and Ourn is supposed to be a pun for on and on I believe.

Also, in the strange thing that is the first person perspective, you don't need to put distinct thoughts in quotation marks. It's not a hard and fast rule but it is negotiable. Just thought I'd mention it while I was still here.

An opening is a crucial and important part of any written work, to ignore it would be wrong. A cover is a cover and an opening is an opening. I'm judging what you have placed before me of your own free will with the implied intent of getting other people's opinions.

My policy is the same as last time. If there are fewer than five competitors in the last week before judging I'll try to help add some competition, as weak as it may end up being.

Do everything that pops into your head and never think about any decisions for more than two seconds. Call yourself a God and speak in the fourteenth person. If anyone disagrees with you just look at them like their stupid and start yelling. If you have any friends, alienate them. You don't want those things anyways. But most importantly of all, learn how to detect sarcasm. It is a life skill and will save your life from villains named Yorgo or Presley.

Weeaboo. I had to get that out. Other than the fact that it really bothers me when clearly western writers go and try to make a school life drama in the quintessential Japanese comic book fashion I don't have any issues with this. It's not like it's got too many technical issues but it's pretty simple and straightforwards anyways so it doesn't have much to trip you up on. I'll give this a Meh/10. You could be a good writer but you don't really show this here.

Two things. I would switch "predator like" out with "predatory" they mean the same thing but I prefer to cut out words if it's possible. I would also add more content to each section because as you said it did seem rushed. Nothing more to say beyond what's been said.

I learned everything I know from that show.

WH? f.

No... there really isn't. It's a Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus if it does have that, then it's not a snorkel mask.