Recent Content by 2Foxxie4U

  1. 2Foxxie4U
  2. 2Foxxie4U
    Chapters 3 and 4

    If you watch me on DeviantArt, you'll notice that this update was originally posted as three. However, when I originally planned it, this was to be one chapter. I decided to go the Easy Route and go back to that. As always, profanity, your poor virgin ears might bleed, yadda yadda yadda.


    In Which Xilord Is Named \
    Turbulence \
    Special Delivery

    A few weeks later…

    “I told you, I told you, I told you,†Marluxia gloated, commenting on Xigbar’s “new lookâ€.
    “Shut up, Marluxia,†Zexion growled, stalking through the halls.
    “What?†the pink-haired assassin chuckled. “I’m just sayin’… I mean, I’M the one who told you that, when Xig’s stomach got bigger, there’d be no pinning it on a beer belly. And… Well… LOOK at him!â€
    “Well, it COULD be a beer belly…†Zexion muttered sourly.
    “Psh! No it couldn’t! C’mon, Zex – he hasn’t visited a bar for WEEKS now! Admit it. I was right, and you were wrong. C’mon! Say it…!~â€
    “I ain’t saying ANYTHING until he HAVES the damned… THING. Men having children is nothing but pure science fiction.â€
    Marluxia rolled his eyes. “Whatever ya say, Zex…â€

    Elsewhere in the sleepy castle, Luxord was pressing his ear to Xigbar’s rapidly growing stomach. “Hey there, little guy!~ Can’t wait to see ya!†A gasp. “What’s that? You’re gonna be a gambler just like your Pop? You’re gonna best your mum at surfin’?! You do yer old man proud…â€
    Xigbar shoved Luxord off, scowling. “Quit it!†he complained. “That is SO totally awkward, dude – seriously. And, besides – no kid of MINE is gonna beat me at surfin’. It’s impossible. You’d have a better chance of Vexen getting laid.â€
    Luxord chuckled. “Now, love, that’s rude…â€
    “Since when did I ever care about manners?†Xigbar huffed. Thankfully, the mood swings were getting a bit more predictable, but he was finding himself more and more irritable from the lack of alcohol and smoking…

    Luxord sat on the bed across from Xigbar. They were in the Gambler of Fate’s room, Xigbar seated at the far end of the room, slurping another vanilla-and-pickle milkshake as if his life depended on it.

    The blonde smiled at him. “Ya know, we haven’t named it yet!~ How about we give a shot, huh, luv? Got any ideas?â€
    Xigbar blinked. “Uh… Okay… But we should come up with boy AND a girl name since we’re still not sure what it is… How about… Juxeil? For a girl?â€
    “Ooh – good one, mate! Okay, okay… What about… Xaustelle? Sounds pretty exotic, huh?â€
    “Yeah, dude. Awesome – we should be, like, professional namer-dudes or something. People should totally PAY US for doing this.â€
    “Getting back to the naming…~ Okay, uh… Uh… How about Xonah?â€
    “Or… Xavier? Always loved that name, dude. Sounds SO badass!â€
    “Or even Maxwell!†Luxord cried, sounding proud of himself.
    “No, no… Maxwell sounds too… Normal. I want somethin’ that’s BOOM. In your FACE, as soon as you say it!â€

    “Ooh! Ooh! I’ve got it, mate!†Luxord cried, grinning. “How about… LUXORD THE SECOND!!!†He beamed at Xigbar, fully expecting him to agree.
    Xigbar rewarded him with a dead stare. “Eh… No. Here’s a thought – how about we try to COMBINE our names instead?â€
    “Oh… You mean something like… Luxig…?â€
    “Nah – that sounds like a weird remix of ‘Luigi’ or somethin’,†Xigbar laughed. “Hmmm… Damn – why are boys’ names so much harder to come up with?â€
    “OH! OH! I KNOW! How about… LUXIGORD!†Insert more beaming here.
    “DUDE! NO! Jeez! You’re not very good at this, are you? I was thinking something like… Iunno. Xilord!â€
    Luxord whined a bit. “XILORD?! Why THAT name?! I’m the dad, mate! Shouldn’t I be the one at the front of the name?!â€

    Wrong. Thing. To do.

    “Oh, I’M sorry, Luxord – I just thought that, Iunno, because I’M the one having to ****ing **** the kid-turd OUT, that maybe I’D go in front of the name this time?! How does THAT sound?!â€
    Oh, for the love of Kingdom Hearts! Luxord, deciding that it would be better to end this before it really began. “Okay, okay! You’re right, love! You get the front of the name, and I get the most letters! How’s that?â€
    Xigbar grunted. “Alright, I guess…â€

    Luxord gave a grateful sigh. He’d dodged a bullet with that one. “So it’s settled? If it’s a girl, it’s Xaustelle. If it’s a boy, it’s Xilord?â€
    Xigbar nodded, grinning. “Works for me.â€
    “Good. Now—â€

    Knocking suddenly sounded on the door. Luxord blinked. “Who is it…?†he called nervously. If it was Xemnas or Saïx, Xigbar would have to get out of there and fast. They didn’t want Xemnas to know about it, lest he order them to “get rid of itâ€.

    Luckily, it WASN’T Xemnas or his lapdog. The door swung open smoothly, revealing Lexaeus with a miniscule smile on his usually-serious face. “Hello, you two.â€
    “Oh…†Xigbar sighed slightly. “Lex, you nearly gave us a stroke, dude! What is it?â€
    “Xigbar, Vexen wants to take you in for another examination… He thinks that it is VERY important to document all of the happenings of this very special event.â€
    Xigbar groaned. “I dun WANNA!†he whined. “What the hell’s so great about sitting on a cold freakin’ table while a boney old scientist dude standing they, pokin’ and proddin’ you all ANNOYING like?!â€

    Luxord chuckled slightly. “You seem to be forgettin’, mate – YOU’RE a boney, old scientist, too, ya know!â€
    Xigbar snarled, snatching him up by his collar. “Make another smart comment like that again, and I’ll rip yer arm off and BEAT ya with it!†he growled.
    Luxord just smirked slightly, chuckling again as Xigbar shoved him away harmlessly with a disgruntled pout.
    “We really should be moving, you two…†Lexaeus murmured patiently.
    “Oh – yes, of course…â€

    Lexaeus formed a portal with a swish of his hand, and they all stepped through. Moments later, Xigbar was lying on the table, looking thoroughly pissed as Vexen moved his rather-cold stethoscope over Xigbar’s scared torso to see if he was breathing normally and such. Every time he found something intriguing, he jotted it down on a notebook, and went to his laptop and clicked something a few times. It was pretty boring.

    After a moment, Vexen murmured, “That’s odd…â€
    “What?†Xigbar and Luxord asked in unison.
    “According to my calculations, Xigbar, this child has been developing 3 to 4 times faster than usual… This is mind-boggling!†he exclaimed.
    “Whoa. Dude. Freaky,†Xigbar said with a cringe.
    “So… How long do you think it’s going to take before he has it, Vexen?†Luxord asked.
    “Hmmm… Hard to say… My guess is somewhere between four to six more weeks. Give or take.â€
    Luxord mumbled slightly under his breath. I want my baby NOW, damn it…

    “Of course…†Vexen drawled. “I can’t be sure unless I see for myself… Are you ready for your first ultrasound, Xigbar?â€
    The man grunted slightly. “No…â€
    “C’mon, luv – don’t you want to get a first look at our little bundle of joy…?†Luxord asked softly, squeezing Xigbar’s hand.
    A sigh. “Yeah – I guess…†the man muttered.

    After Xigbar was laid in the proper position, and Vexen had applied some conducting gel, he began gently sliding his transducer along the man’s slightly bulging stomach and looking up at the screen.

    What he saw absolutely baffled him. He moved the transducer this way and that, furrowing his brow slightly.
    “So, uh…†Xigbar blinked. “What exactly are we supposed to be lookin’ at, anyway?â€
    “… There is supposed to an image of a fetus showing on the screen…†Vexen was squinting.
    “… Really?†Luxord peered closer. “… All I see is a… white cloud…â€
    “… That’s the alarming part…†Vexen murmured, jotting something down.
    Luxord and Xigbar shot each other worried glances.

    After a few more minutes of scanning and dutiful note-taking, Vexen placed his pen daintily into his clipboard. “Well, Xigbar, I’m going to have to insist that you return at least twice a week so that I can continue to monitor this astounding occurrence.â€
    The two worried parents nodded, Luxord squeezing Xigbar’s hand gingerly. “So I’m clear, then? We can go?†Xigbar asked.
    “Well…†Vexen started slowly. Carefully, even. “There actually was another matter I wanted to discuss with you two…â€
    Luxord blinked. “Well? Spit it out, mate.â€

    That’s when Xigbar saw it. That slow, devious, scheming grin that would make a small child have nightmares for a week.

    He gasped. “WHAT?! No!†A scowl of disgust. “Vexen, there will be NO experimenting on the baby!â€
    The smirk dropped, and Vexen let out an undignified whine. “But Xiiiiiig-baaaaaaaaar! This will be the first Nobody child born in history! And by a male, too! Think of the discoveries to be made!â€
    “****. Your. ****ing. Discoveries,†Xigbar growled, sitting up. “No means NO.â€

    Xigbar seized the blonde scientist by the collar and dragged him down to eye-level, grinning dangerously. “Listen, pal…†he hissed between clenched teeth. “My back is KILLING ME. I’ve had to go six long, BRUTAL weeks without the TINIEST bit of rum, or even a ****ing smoke. I have peed FIFTY-TWO times today, and you don’t even wanna KNOW about what’s going on with my nipples.â€

    Vexen blinked. “Allow me to take an educated guess?â€
    Xigbar’s grip got tighter and his grin got wider and more scary. “LISTEN, you ****er. Don’t push your luck ANY more, because I am NOT in the mood for your bullshit. You want to do your freaky-assed experiments? **** out your OWN damn kid-turd.â€

    He shoved the bumbling scientist away and turned to the snickering Luxord. “Help me up, ya bum!†he snapped moodily.
    “Right away, darlin’!~â€

    The two left the discontented scientist by himself in his lab, muttering to himself about imbeciles who didn’t know the finer points of science.


    For some reason, Xigbar suddenly had a whole new appreciation for the twilight hours. Not sunset, though, as some of the younger Nobodies seemed to be so fond of. For him, the real beauty lied at the peak of dawn.

    There was just something so… invigorating about it. The feeling of having survived the cold, dark night, and being delivered to a new, fresh day. The sensation of grass, crisp and decorated with sparkling dew underneath bare feet – everything from the cool, humid air to the soft, pink tint of the skies was just… perfect.

    Xigbar took a deep breath, watching the sun gently peak over the horizon of the Blue Mountains of Hallow Bastion. He gingerly patted his bulging belly, almost wishing that his child was there already so that he could see the beautiful sight for himself.

    A sigh. The following weeks had been worrying. There was something growing inside of him – that was for certain – but everything about it was… Off. The baby should have been far past the kicking stage by then, but Xigbar never felt a thing. Also, the white cloud never went away. It’d been all Luxord could do to convince him that the baby hadn’t been lost. But how could they know for certain, unless—

    “Oh, damn it…â€

    Xigbar moaned as a sudden contraction rocked his body, and his eyes widened with a gasp. Wetness trickled down his thighs, and unless he’d spontaneously contracted Alzheimer's and lost full control of his bladder, he was sure that his water had broken. “Damn it,†he cursed to himself, waving open a portal. “I thought those contractions I was having last night were just false alarms! This is REALLY ****ing happening!!!â€

    He stumbled into Luxord’s room and banged on the wall, shaking. “Luxord! Luxord, get up! It’s coming – I can feel it!â€
    “Eh – what…?†Luxord asked drowsily, not used to being woken at this hour.
    “UP, YOU BUM!!!†Xigbar screeched. “MY MANGINA IS READY TO **** THE KID TURD!!!â€
    “What?†Luxord gasped, popping up. “The baby? It’s here???†He squealed and waved open another portal. “C’mon, hun! Hurry! Let’s hurry to Vexen’s lab!â€

    Minutes later, Xigbar was being helped onto a stainless-steel table on an inflatable, plastic mattress in the Chilly Academic’s lair. Vexen was buzzing around in excitement, wanting to capture every moment of this astounding breakthrough for science.

    Luxord patted his lover’s hand. “How are you doing, hun?†he whispered.
    Xigbar hummed idly. “You know… it’s weird. I always figured that I’d be freaking out about this, but… I’m totally cool about it, dude.†He smiled up at Luxord. “It’s true what they say. This really IS a magical moment we’ll cherish forever, that nothing could EV—â€


    “HOLY ****!!! Get it out of me! GET IT OUT OF MEEEE!!!â€

    Dear God, it’d only taken a few hours before he was screaming and cursing like a soldier. Vexen had also called in Zexion and Marluxia – one to assist him with the delivery, and the other to video tape what was going on for later study. Needless to say, Xigbar wasn’t too happy about this, but he had OTHER things to worry about. Like trying to strangle Luxord.

    The Freeshooter hissed, grabbing the poor blonde by the collar, and dragging him close. “You ****er – YOU did this to me!!! I oughta blow your ****in’ brains out RIGHT NOW!!! YOU should be the one shitting out the ****ing kid-turd, not me! I’M SEME!!!â€

    Luxord choked. “C…Come now, love… You remember what you were saying earlier, about this being a magical experience and that we’ll cherish it forev—ACK!!!â€
    Xigbar’s grip tightened on the man’s neck, nostrils flaring. “BULLSHIT!!! You try shitting this thing out, and then YOU tell me how ****ing magical this experience is!!!â€
    “V… Vexen…!†Luxord managed to gasp out, face turning alarmingly purple.
    The blonde scientist glanced up distractedly. “Restrain him,†he commanded Marluxia as he went on with his work.

    Soon, Xigbar was being forcefully held down by several strong vines, and Luxord had been released from his deadly grip. Shaken, he rubbed his bruising neck gingerly. “C…Can’t you give him, like, some sort of anesthesia or… something? Don’t women usually do that?â€
    “Give him epidural?†Vexen gasped. “Oh, no! Absolutely not! This is the first childbirth of Nobody history! And from a MAN, too! No – absolutely not. This childbirth must be entirely NATURAL.â€
    “VEXEN, YOU PIG-****ER!!! I’m going to ****ing KILL you!â€
    “Yes, quite,†Vexen hummed idly. “Now, make sure you breathe the way I’ve been instructing you…â€

    The tortuous experience went on with a multitude of screaming, cursing, and gnashing from Xigbar. Luxord could barely watch. Why would any woman WANT to do this?! This was insane!!! And disgusting, too.

    He gagged, twitching as a rush of reddish mucus gushed out from the sheet that was thankfully covering the lower part of Xigbar’s body. “I… Is that… blood…?†he whimpered, face going pale.
    Zexion nodded, holding the camera steady. “Yep. As I’ve shown you before, it’s quite normal for blood-covered mucus to—â€


    Zexion blinked, and glanced out to see a passed out Luxord on the ground next to him. “Oh, for the love of…†He groaned. “Vexen! We lost Luxord!â€
    “Ignore him – we have enough people to take care of this, anyway!†the scientist snapped. “XIGBAR! Keep doing those breathing exercises I told you about!â€
    Marluxia was monitoring his vital signs. The man sighed. “Really, Vexen – how much longer is this going to take! It was fun at first, but it really loses its hilarity the fiftieth time he accuses you of bestiality.â€
    Zexion nodded silently in agreement.
    “Be patient, you two – if my estimght, it shouldn’t be long before…†A squint. “Before…â€

    A sudden gasp. “Xigbar! Xigbar, push! Push!†he commanded.
    “I AM ****ING PUSHING!!!â€
    “Well push HARDER! I think I see the head! Push! Push!!!â€

    Encouraged by the thought of getting the horrid experience over with, Xigbar did as he was commanded, grunting and straining as hard as he could. A pained gasp, and, thankfully, the worst of it was all over. The bedraggled man sighed, collapsing onto his bed, running a hand shakily through his hair.

    “My baby…†he muttered. “Where is it? I want to see…â€


    “Hello?! Guy who just went through fifteen ****ing hours of labor wants to see his kid now!â€

    Vexen stared at the bloodied delivery in his hands awkwardly, Marluxia’s jaw dropped to the floor, and Zexion nearly dropped the camera in shock. Vexen wiped away some bloody mucus, staring.

    “Er… Congratulations, Xigbar… It’s a… a… hmmm…â€
    “A what? What’s going on?!†Xigbar turned slightly frantic. “Is everything okay???†He tried to sit up to get a look for himself.
    Marluxia tried to finish for Vexen, who’d suddenly lost the ability to say anything decipherable. “It’s a… It’s an—â€

    A gasp, and suddenly Xigbar’s eyes got as big as grapefruits. “HOLY ****!!! It’s a ****ing EGG!!!â€

    Another stunned silence, and, with a weak moan, Zexion swooned and passed out right next to Luxord.

    (( To be continued... ))



    A man-egg.

    You're reading a story about friggin' mpreg. Logic holds no influence here.

    More updates later!
    Post by: 2Foxxie4U, Dec 21, 2010 in forum: Archives
  3. 2Foxxie4U
  4. 2Foxxie4U
    You open it. It's a(n)...
    1: Letter of acceptance from the college you're planning on going to finally.
    2: A letter from an old flame who left.
    3: Junk mail.
    Post by: 2Foxxie4U, Jun 16, 2010 in forum: The Spam Zone
  5. 2Foxxie4U
    You open the door and...
    1: say, "Get offa my property or I'll shatter your damn kneecaps."
    3: invite them in cordially.
    Post by: 2Foxxie4U, Jun 16, 2010 in forum: The Spam Zone
  6. 2Foxxie4U
  7. 2Foxxie4U
  8. 2Foxxie4U