I'm sad

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by Ienzo, Jan 14, 2014.

  1. Ienzo ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

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    And I can't work out why. Now I don't mean just this minute, it's all the time even when I am happy there is an underlying sadness that will keep coming back.

    I am currently on a gap year and will be going to university in September (Cardiff to study psychology) but until then I have 9 months to fill. I suppose I am someone who needs to do something, I worked hard last year and got good grades and enjoyed my extra long summer but the emptiness has kind of just extended into my gap year. At first I thought it was this, I wasn't doing anything useful with my time, I got a job which destressed me an awful lot but I still feel empty. So to counter this, I have been going the library every day to do some useful reading about psychology and write notes on a textbook I found (I like making notes, it put me at ease quite a bit) but still I am sad. There are friends I talk to daily but they are internet people so there is little contact, I go to church and that is the main place I see people (and at work but that is a different environment).

    I base my life on structure and when I don't have that I fall apart, perhaps that is what is happening to me but I have been implementing structure into my life with going to the library and it just hasn't helped. However, it's not even like I have nothing to do, I am currently doing a leadership course which is depressing me, I have lots of online training to do for work and various other personal things to do and yet I am doing none of it. I will either blame my growing laziness or the fact there is no deadline so I can easily put it off. I just don't know why, I have the time but to me the time feels empty, I have a lot of time when there is literally nothing I want to do, I feel like nothing will make me happy.

    Perhaps it has something to do with all my friends going to university and I am feeling extremely lonely but I don't think it is. I have only found happiness in immersing myself in Doctor Who as it's been a bit of an escape but that ends and it's more of a superficial happiness. I shouldn't feel like this as I have nothing to complain about but here I am and I literally have no idea how to fix it until I go to university.

    There is also Ben, a guy I met while visiting another friend at uni who I have been 'seeing' and I have really started to like him but on some days I just want to push him and everyone away and don't know why. The long distance relationship puts me off majorly because we won't be in the same place full time for a minimum of 2 years but more likely 3. He will bring me happiness when we visit each other but then when we are apart it will kill me inside.

    So, to sum up, my life basically just feels empty and superficial, I am sad when not with Ben or immersed in Doctor Who and I have no idea how to fix it all. I am not suicidal but I feel that any work that I do do will go unnoticed or I will disappoint someone, I feel completely demotivated to do anything productive that I haven't set myself and all I really want is to be happy and I don't know how. Sorry to ramble at you all, I kind of just wrote down all my thoughts as they came to me but I just need some advice for something, anything that could help me or even why I may be feeling like this.
     
  2. Jin うごかないで

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    I'm the same I guess, even during the holidays I always need something to do. I'd recommend picking up something new? the same mundane thing day in and out over a certain period of time will make some one feel like this I get it a lot but I've sort of always used my ADHD as a scapegoat because this sort of thing happens to me every week at least once or twice within the same week I'll have a day where I'm sat there thinking "What the hell am I doing with my life" even though I'm in college now and have loads of friends who's interests come into the same as mine (such as Anime) I don't get out enough and end up feeling like the way you're feeling so I can empathize

    The advice I could give you is try picking up something new as a hobby or interest and start doing whatever that hobby is or watch/read whatever that interests involves doing I guess I've been the same ever since I hit Year 10 to be honest and inevitably always end up slipping back into this type of thing but like I said I blame that on my ADHD most of the points you've possibly answered yourself at least the cause of the problem that is. Maybe try plan a trip somewhere I'm not the best when it comes to Advice but I can empathize with this and given the best solution I can think of
     
  3. ShibuyaGato Transformation

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    I can't say I know exactly how you're feeling, but I'm gonna do my best to try and help.

    You basically addressed this, but it seems like what you're feeling stems from everyone else leaving. If most everyone you know is distant then it's bound to get to you eventually, no matter how often you may communicate with them. And no matter how often you may see friends at church, it may not feel like enough if your friends who you've gone to school with for all these years just disappear from your daily routine. I'm not particularly acquainted with the heavily structured/scheduled lifestyle, but I can imagine that a change like that would be a pretty massive adjustment -- which makes sense out of using fiction, Doctor Who especially, as an escape. Still, almost anyone who's feeling down uses some sort of scapegoat, no matter how hollow it may seem; hell, I'll use most any of my shows or games to get myself out of a mood. Emotions are a complicated mess, and it takes quite a bit to get out of a rut, but as soon as you've found something that sticks, stay with it.
    If the leadership course isn't mandatory and isn't making you feel better, give it a break or maybe just drop it altogether. It's like the guitar lessons: if you end the day dissatisfied or drained, it isn't worth it. Even if it isn't feasible to drop it, you can take a breather from online courses. I've been putting off my last two online Spanish assignments for who knows how many weeks now, I get it. Laziness is the bane of productivity, but you've gotta get yourself out of that one. What I like to do is usually watch an episode or two of a show (often DW) or even just look at those dumb "you should be studying" posters all over the internet -- you'd be surprised at what a picture of Peter Capaldi with slapped on text in impact font can do to motivate. Again, give yourself a breather before you try again. That's one of the points of a gap year isn't it? To take a breather from school while figuring things out? It really sounds like you could use some time for both.

    Now as for Ben, most any long distance relationship can be tough to figure out, and I understand how the distance could eat away at the connection, but any relationship, long or short distance, will require a combination of give and take, as well as a fair amount of commitment. You can't see him all the time, and of course that sucks. Instead of dropping an applicable cliche, I'll just be frank: if it's hurting you this much to be away from him, try and arrange a date where he could see you. Figuring that much out would give you something to look forward to, and all that anticipation might replace the emptiness.

    Honestly Enzy, the best advice I can give you is to keep your chin up. No matter what happens, you know you've got people you can talk to. It may not feel like much, but even just video chatting with a pal can be an enormous help in any situation. You know I'm here, and maybe one day the ocean that splits us all up will literally just be a pond, but for now we've just gotta make do as best as we can.
    i apologize if this isn't the biggest help, but like i said i'm here for you whenever you need me
    after all these years, it's the least i can do
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2014
  4. Ienzo ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

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    Yeah, I've been attempting to put structure and hobbies into my life. I have found a good book to get stuck into and have been enjoying playing Skyrim which is just something nice to get my mind of other things. Thank you for the advice : D I just need to fill my time and there is loads that I could do and would love to but my job gets in the way because it's one that dosen't have regular hours, they change each week meaning I can't really plan anything.

    I have started planning a trip actually : D I plan on going to Paris with Ben and I have been travelling the country visiting friends which has been nice to get out of the house :3

    Thank you Cat, this does mean a lot. I did post this in a particularly depressed moment but the sadness is always there and probably won't go away until I go to uni and have work to focus on again but I shall find ways of dealing with it. As for the leadership course, I did talk with the other leaders and basically told them it was pointless for me to do and it was just draining me exceedingly quickly and I couldn't be bothered so hopefully that won't be a problem.

    Yeah, fiction is a great thing. One thing I would like to do with my gap year is to actually write that book xD I think about it a lot, I just need to plan it all out properly but that would be a great escape and make me feel like I have done something useful with my time and is flexible so will work around my job. Art is the other thing, I always thought it would be nice to practice more and get better so I could sell them but I really need to motivate myself for that, I just haven't wanted to do any of that but I shall rest and sort it all out soon.

    As for Ben, yeah I went to see him last week and it was amazing, I had an amazing time and decided to go for it, better to try then to assume it would fail so thank you for the advice.

    Thank you so much Cat, when March rolls around then the world will not be ready xD and yes you did help, I do feel better, I will just have to sort myself out.