As I type this, I am angry. There is no logical reason for me to be so. There was no trigger for this. There was no reason. And perhaps that is contributing to that a little. If I knew why I wouldn't be like this. I can feel my pulse skyrocketing. My chest feels tight. And there is just that desire to scream, yell, have some kind of o u t b u r s t. Which is at odds with my given nature to want as little attention on me as possible. Normally, I channel my incoherent rage into some sort of activity. Be it working out or cooking or writing. Just any way for me to burn off some excess steam. However, my legs hurt from working extra yesterday so no working out. I just cleaned up the kitchen so no cooking. I've already punched a wall a few days ago. I just worry about talking directly with people fearing that I might say something to hurt them when I can't hold myself accountable for my actions. When I fear I'll shout at them. I just...don't have any control over my emotions right now. I'm being pulled in about thirty different directions with my emotions and none of them are positive. Something has to give. Something has to break. And I fear that something will be me at some point or some completely innocent bystander. Things have been setting me off too easily. Things I should be used to by now.
About the video... The guy starts off horribly. He jumps right to judging the people who need this kind of advice. Insults are not what they need. It's easier to get past on a second watch. The techniques and psychology are spot-on. I believe they can be a great help. Hope the foreknowledge helps, Laurence. Personally, I've had experiences with generalized bloodlust. If that's what you're experiencing, I don't think anger management can help, since you're not really angry. Let us know how the video helps or where it doesn't. It might offer some deeper insight.
I think you just need to talk to somebody. If you think your baggage is too intense for people close to you, finding a good counselor might be right up your alley.
