I think the biggest things you need to work on with your editing is colour and font selection, as well as placement - there is a lot of similarity and crossover with the work people do creating signatures and other work in Photoshop and what you are doing here with text. Check out some tutorials on these subjects and see if you can apply some of their ideas to video. Remember that the main focus of most GMV/AMVs is the collaborations of visual image to music, not merely copying the lyrics and pasting them in the shot. The timing is fine and shot selection isn't awful, in fact I wish there was more of the editing capability shown from 0:43 - 0:47 in this video. Also spellcheck your text in a word processor before putting it in the video - have a read of the song credit at the end of the video and you might see why I suggest this - WMM or whatever program you are using doesn't spellcheck and can lead to embarrassing mistakes.
