The Darkness / Chapter 1 / Part 1

Discussion in 'Archives' started by KillerX, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. KillerX Merlin's Housekeeper

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2008
    Location:
    In HELL leading the dark armarda
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    Hi everybody this is just the first part

    Prologue: ( it aint long )

    Will anyone be able TO stop this dark force from emerging or will they all fall to DARKNESS like their friends or will they battle their way towards the darkness that swallowed their friends and fight for their FREEDOM!!!!!!!

    Chapter I, The Eagle

    As the eagle flew high in the sky notifying the village guards of an attack by the Black Eagles, the bandits not far from the village. “Kix, where are you,†Janet yelled out in fear of the Black Eagles bandit leader (Scarf) coming straight at her. “I’m at the well,†Kix yells back. Janet screams at the top of her lungs when the bandit leader stops in front of her and commands one of his elite warriors to pick her up and take her back to the camp. “Oh, no, that must have been Janet,†Kix thinks to himself.

    “Janet,†Kix yells out. “Help me,†Janet calls out to everyone around her. But the guards were too busy to help her but one named, Shade, Shade runs over and calls for back up, “oi, you lazy fools get out here and fight,†yells Shade to his squad mates. “Why we’ve already taken out so many of these damn bandits,†yells private. “I said get out here you lazy numskulls,†yells Shade. “Shade, help me,†Janet yells in fear. “Get out here now or forever be sentenced to torture by law,†Shade yells threatening his squad. “Yes Sir,†they all yell as they run out ready for battle against the bandits. Shade whispers, “You three men go to the right and the rest of yo go for the left, I’m going from front on.â€
     
  2. Dmaster Traverse Town Homebody

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2007
    Location:
    In mah imagination~
    31
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    O.O i told you didn't i?

    1) work on how you write it, that was horrible punctuation, and don't even start the whole "Oh, i wasn't actually trying" crap man, cause i'm sick of your excuses... we see eachother every weekend and i still haven't seen you change your style of writing even once so... well yeah...>_<
    2) prologue's too short>_< it's supposed to explain what happens before the book, but that wasa blurb (The thing on the back cover>_<)
    3) For when they think you should either use ' or these words it makes it slightly better.
    4) you gave us so little detail man>_< i have no clue what any of them look like and i'm your damn cousin!

    offtopic: a) did you find my memory card?
    b) are you coming over mine or me yours this weekend?
     
  3. KillerX Merlin's Housekeeper

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2008
    Location:
    In HELL leading the dark armarda
    1
    24
    well maybe you should read everything on the page you ... and maybe, just maybe you'll accually see what i wrote, you ...

    offtopic: yes i did find your memory card and no im not coming over your house this week end cus im going to wet'n'wild on saturday for my birthday... you can come but you have to find a way over on friday and you have to pay